It’s almost time to graduate and well, I’m not really nervous to graduate, I’m actually really scared because then I’m going to be moving out eventually and starting college and going to be having to work. I am however really happy that I’m not going to being high school anymore and am going to be making most of my choices. So far that i’ve done to prepare, is trying to stay caught up on my work, pass all of my tests, work hard and stay focused. I still however need to not only be physically prepared for the new world, but also emotionally because mom and dad are still going to give me he help I need to become successful, But also for myself to know that life is going to hit me like a truck. This may seem really harsh and cheesy, but I’m looking forward to most is moving in with my boyfriend and experience everything together. I honestly don’t expect that things are going to be easy, I’m actually terrified yet very excited for the move and spending life together with him, it’s just the life part that’s going to be hard on a relationship and it’s not really helpful when people close to me tell me that it’s not going to work and bring me down. They obviously don’t know what I’m capable of and I am willing to look past all that and work for my future along with my beautiful God given relationship. Don’t get me wrong; even though I had to move to a new school which really sucked, I’m thankful that my grades are much better than what they were. I do however wish I was still apart of my other high schools choir, but sadly there’s nothing I can do. Not to be mean but I’m mostly happy to graduate because I’m not having a good senior year aside from out of school. Hoping and praying for the best.
My winter break was good. I saw my biological family and got to spend christmas with them. I had christmas with the family i’m with now on christmas eve and the whole family came as so my boyfriend. We all had our fun times spending it together and opening the gifts too. I feel like it wasn’t a long enough weekend. Over the break we do so many thing because it’s the holidays, that it goes by so fast and then there isn’t really time to sit down and relax and sleep. Sometimes I did, for me atleast. Reflecting on my first semester, I really didn’t enjoy anything at all, so I don’t really have anything that I regret. With the last semester nothing hit me or changed me or anything really because i’m still on pace in all of my classes and I’m focused and doing well. What I need to do for this semester to graduate is to just stay focused on my work and to keep up with it and just to get everything I need done, done. I’m not going to a UC until after I finish my two years on my general ED at PC (Porterville College). I already applied to PC, i’m just currently waiting to hear from them. Other than that it’s going well. I’m still in the CNA program so by time I graduate I should be taking the certification test, and if I pass I am a CNA worker and can apply at a group home or a hospital. I’m going to be doing this while I am going to school to become an RN. We all have to start somewhere and the CNA program is one way for me.
Since my last journal entry I explained how It was horrible and how I had no friends and everything was just poop. Today, some things have changed. I have made some friends other than my sister. I have an idea of what the senior project is but it’s still complicated and I’m still trying to figure it out. I’m still not over the fact that I have moved schools because I still am very sad that I had to leave my friends and especially my choir. This choir here still sucks and I’m still wanting and waiting to know why God has placed me here.
With my classes and grades, I am passing everything and I feel like I am doing very well. I’m in CNA and I have been doing really good in there I feel like. I need to accomplish me staying on task till the end of the semester because then I can stay on pace and pass all of my classes. With my senior project it’s still pretty difficult because I didn’t start when everyone else did and so I’m very confused about how to get my stuff on to the website and how to work it. My senior project I’m not happy with, mostly because I hardly even know how to work it. Plus my having to stay on pace and me having CNA it’s just all alot. Everyone else started their senior project when they were sophomores, I barely moved here and I have to start from the beginning. The things I’m doing to prepare for pe-graduation is me staying focused and working hard so I will be able to graduate. These things aren’t only for graduation, they are also for me for after I graduate so I’m able to start my life and then prepare for college. I feel okay about the support for pre-graduating, but also not really because I feel like teachers or the people In the office doesn't really understand that us people who really want to get somewhere in life and do good in high school so we can go to a good college after we graduate, have so much to do enough and they expect so much out a student. The people who mess around ruin that for us because then the whole school gets punished for it. It’s good to push students sometimes, but it depends on what. Most people I talk to are from college and they say basically most classes they took in high school was useless and the work. Other than that, help wise is okay, you just have to ask. We have work days in class and we get the help we need. I feel pretty confident that I’m going to graduate. It is currently the 20th of August, 2015 and the fourth day of the first week. To be honest, my senior year is horrible so far. Why? Because I had to transfer from Monache High to Lindsay High for my senior year, so I have no friends and nobody to hang out with besides my sister who agrees and is also going through the same thing. Right now I am so lost and confused with a lot. Not only am I forced to come to a new school full of strangers, but there is also a new school system. Their education is taught differently and they have levels called MT’s. I don't really understand them and how they work. On the contrary, we have laptops which is cool, but my ID number is currently trying to be set up so I can’t do anything on my laptop. Teachers are already giving out assignments virtually and I feel left behind because I can’t even access my account yet. I’m really trying to get used to this school by making friends and such, but people are already talking about the senior year project. I’m not sure whether to be excited, scared or stressed about this school year. On the other hand, I’m really looking forward to having fun and enjoying my last year of high school. I’m hoping the sadness from me moving goes away sometime soon. Hearing about MHS and missing people, friends, and especially choir, brings me to tears. I was so involved with choir. I legit cried three times the first day, so I hope and pray that God shows me the reason why I’m here soon. I’m going to be sad and I’m not really going to get involved in things my senior year if he doesn't. Making a friend besides my sister would be nice along with graduation because I can say I made it, not so much because I’m graduating with a class full of strangers. My goals for this year are to graduate because I really need to graduate for my life to be good. Another goal is to stay focused,work hard and study so I can pass all of my classes and graduate. I’m also doing CNA. I hope that I am able to do well and be good at it. My last goal is to be able to start driving so I can get a job or drive to school so I don't have to ride my bike anymore. I also want to drive because my teacher, Mr. sutherland, might let me do choir over at MHS. They have rehearsals on mondays. I could even do zero period, so I’m able to learn the music faster and see my friends while keeping in touch with great music. I’ll save my parents a lot of money. College is also coming and I need to be able to drive by then for sure. CNA will help with me getting into nursing school a lot better, so that is why I’m currently taking it now. I would like to continue with music and sing, but now a days you have to sound like Whitney Houston to be someone. So becoming an RN is my plan on the path to be successful, make good money, and have a career. |
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